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“I will tell you my secret: I have doubts.”
Those are the opening words of John Ortberg’s 2008 book Faith and Doubt.
As a general rule, we applaud individuals for such transparency. A confession of doubt these days is regarded as a sign of authenticity.
Of course, we don’t really want to hear “I have doubts” from the surgeon who is about to operate on our heart, or from the pilot of the jet we just climbed aboard. And it can be more than a little unnerving to hear admissions of doubt from our spiritual leaders – those to whom we have entrusted the earthly care of our souls.
As a pastor, John Ortberg knows that all too well.
He intentionally titled his book Faith and Doubt, and points out that the most important of those three words is the one in the middle – for the simple reason that most people he knows are a mixture of both trust and skepticism, assurance and uncertainty.
He notes, “It strikes me as arrogant when people on either side of the God-question write as if any reasonable person would agree with them because, of course, they wouldn’t hold an opinion if it wasn’t reasonable.”
If we take a brief inventory of famous quotes and quips about belief and unbelief, it’s easy to see what a struggle it has been for people to entrust themselves to Something or Someone beyond ourselves. Here are a few of them:
“Faith is believing what you know can’t possibly be true except that it’s in the Bible.” (Archie Bunker in All in the Family)
“Faith is one of the world’s great evils, comparable to the smallpox virus but harder to eradicate… Religion is capable of driving people to such dangerous folly that faith seems to me to qualify as a kind of mental illness.” (Richard Dawkins, biologist)
Faith is “nothing more than the license religious people give one another to keep believing when reasons fail.” (Sam Harris, neuroscientist)
“I believe in the church of baseball. I’ve tried all the major religions and most of the minor ones…and the only church that truly feeds the soul is baseball.” (Kevin Costner’s character in the movie Bull Durham)
“Life is just a dirty trick from nothingness to nothingness.” (Ernest Hemingway)
“Everyone has to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.” (bumper sticker)
“I want atheism to be true. It isn’t just that I don’t believe in God. I don’t want there to be a God. I don’t want the universe to be like that.” (Thomas Nagel, philosopher)
“Toward the end of the Roman Empire, all religions were regarded by the people as equally true, by the philosophers as equally false, and by the politicians as equally useful.” (Edward Gibbon, historian)
“The death of a single infant calls into question the existence of God.” (Fyodor Dostoevsky, novelist)
“You, sir, gave us insufficient evidence.” (Bertrand Russell, philosopher, when asked what he would say to God to explain his atheism)
“If that’s who God is, then he should resign and let someone competent take over.” (Elie Wiesel, Auschwitz survivor, when told that God cares but won’t intervene in our world)
“If people cease to believe in God, they don’t believe in nothing. They believe in anything.” (G.K. Chesterton, social critic)
“There is perhaps no better proof for the existence of God than the way year after year he survives the way his professional friends promote him.” (Frederick Buechner, concerning pastors)
“Now I know in part [that is, with all my questions and doubts]; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.” (The apostle Paul, I Corinthians 13:12)
“When they saw him, they worshipped him [Jesus]. But some doubted.” (Jesus’ disciples after the resurrection, Matthew 28:17)
A father whose son is afflicted by a demon says to Jesus:
“If you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.”
Jesus replies, “’If you can?’ Everything is possible for the one who believes.”
To which the father says, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”
Jesus then heals his son.
(Matthew 9:21-24)
Faith and doubt are not radical opposites. They go together, in fact, like macaroni and cheese. Those who declare, “I have no doubts at all,” may actually be some of the scariest people we know.
Doubt may make us think more deeply. And study more diligently. And pray more fervently.
Spiritual I’m-not-sure-ness, in other words, may actually drive us into the arms of God. Or at least into an understanding of God that is more consistent with his true character and identity.
Realistically, our goal must not be certainty, but trust – trust wisely placed in a Voice that is genuinely worthy of our trust.
When you think about it, we all believe in such a Voice, whether we acknowledge it or not. Who are you listening to? Who is shaping and guiding your life?
You may still be “listening” to your parents, even if they’re no longer alive. Or a favorite teacher. Or a wise mentor. Or a special author or poet. The Voice you heed may be that of a famous religious figure, or one who is hardly known at all. Or perhaps you’re utterly reliant on your own inner voice. You obey your gut or your instincts or your conscience to make your way through life.
In the sixth chapter of the Gospel of John, Jesus multiples loaves and fishes to feed a vast crowd. The people are thrilled. He’s got them (in every sense of the word) eating right out of his hand.
Then he completely mangles this perfect public relations moment. Jesus announces that he is the Bread of Life. He is the meal for which they are actually famished.
The people are now less than thrilled. This is not what they signed up for. “From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him” (John 6:66).
What Jesus says next seems poignant, even painful: “’You do not want to leave too, do you?’ Jesus asked the Twelve.”
Shoot-from-the-hip Peter immediately responds, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God.”
Twenty centuries have come and gone since that moment, and it’s hard to identify any other candidates who are as worthy of our trust as Jesus.
The Quaker scholar Elton Trueblood echoes, “A Christian is a person who, with all the honesty of which he is capable, becomes convinced that the fact of Jesus Christ is the most trustworthy thing he knows.”
We will hear many voices today and in the days ahead. Which voice is truly worthy of our trust?
Our faith will never be perfect in this world. We will never be able to hold on to Jesus without at least occasional doubt.
But he will keep his promise to hold on to us.
About that, there’s no doubt at all.